She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
