Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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