I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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