Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
