you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
