you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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