...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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