Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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