dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
either way he was missing a nipple.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
