I puked a lego.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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