This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
