Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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