You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
