I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Randomize
