We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
