Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
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he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
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Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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