I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
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I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
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also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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