After last night, I could never be a politician.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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