dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
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