Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
