So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
So many bounce houses so little time
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she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize