people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
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As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Boobs are out for the taking
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
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I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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