Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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