"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
