i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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