i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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