She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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