just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
