You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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