i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
