I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize