This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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