We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
