you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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