you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
