you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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