matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
