So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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