So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
