I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
