Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
