If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
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8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
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And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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