We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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