My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
