Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
the day after is always just damage control
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
whose parrot is this?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
