either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
