and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
you never un-have a 4some
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
