I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
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