His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Randomize
