And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
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She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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