it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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