just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
