My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
3pm strippers are depressing
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
