That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I didn't notice because vodka
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
