"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
So vagazzling was a success
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
