Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.