Texts From Last Night

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  (313): View more from Michigan

  so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...

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  (313): so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal... http://tfl.nu/prbt
  Replies (8) Good night (849) Bad night (3248)
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  (518): View more from New York

  Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.

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  (518): Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok. http://tfl.nu/9a6a
  Replies (32) Good night (742) Bad night (2153)
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  (631): View more from New York

  I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.

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  (631): I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches. http://tfl.nu/ic23
  Replies (28) Good night (621) Bad night (7132)
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  (786): View more from Florida

  I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.

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  (786): I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS. http://tfl.nu/52c3
  Replies (24) Good night (981) Bad night (3976)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.

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  (303): Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs. http://tfl.nu/ukka
  Replies (3) Good night (4341) Bad night (937)
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  (510): View more from California

  ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!

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  (510): ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE! http://tfl.nu/j6yk
  Replies (7) Good night (3527) Bad night (1040)
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  (716): View more from New York

  Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera

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  (716): Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera http://tfl.nu/ouai
  Replies (10) Good night (2877) Bad night (1180)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...

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  (502): I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine... http://tfl.nu/q9cs
  Replies (10) Good night (841) Bad night (2703)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.

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  (413): Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor. http://tfl.nu/leq0
  Replies (12) Good night (4294) Bad night (1646)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.

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  (615): I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you. http://tfl.nu/xkmh
  Replies (1) Good night (1932) Bad night (997)
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  (229): View more from Georgia

  Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.

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  (229): Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now. http://tfl.nu/61qu
  Replies (8) Good night (1320) Bad night (608)
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  (657): View more from California

  He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"

  (818): View more from California

  this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!

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  (657): He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up" (818): this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!! http://tfl.nu/b19c
  Replies (13) Good night (3362) Bad night (674)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.

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  (240): This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn. http://tfl.nu/cv1s
  Replies (3) Good night (404) Bad night (646)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."

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  (586): The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON." http://tfl.nu/rycj
  Replies (5) Good night (1190) Bad night (360)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"

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  (425): It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord" http://tfl.nu/9kd9
  Replies (3) Good night (497) Bad night (399)

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