my room smells like sperm. sweet.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
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you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
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With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!