He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Randomize
